$80 Drugstore Trip

So I recently went to the drugstore to pick up my heart medication. I guess something was messed up with my insurance and they where about to charge me $80... For a drug that doesn't even fuck you up...... I politely said if they trade it for percet or vicoden I will gladly pay the $80....

Geotagging

I am so pissed cause my camera is not geotagging my photos how the hell am I suppose to know where I'm at when I take the picture.

T9 Text

T9 just replaced my text message from the word rain with rape.... How are these two word remotely close? I want to type rain... Our plans are ruined because of rain... not rape.

My T9 text predictor is on crack I will write something and it will try and predict that I am writing Fuck or Shit.. I am just saying hi!

Sluts not Whores

These are trying times.... Right now we are on the verge of an economic down fall.... Cutting costs in your daily life is very important.... That is why I am taking steps to cut my monthly costs... First thing to go is whores... They cost to much... But I am replacing them with sluts... Sluts in a sense are free... But a little more maintenance.... Whore's are more professional to them its a job... Sluts are tricky, they are usually bad decision makers when they are drunk.... So when they wake up they draw certain conclusions........ Like you are now boyfriend and girlfriend and it's like hey slut.... ummmm lower your voice my wife might hear you and not cook me dinner..... So be careful it might cost more in the long run........

Tagging People on Facebook

It drives me crazy when the photo is only half tagged on facebook. So while reviewing my friends photo albums I noticed that one of the people in the picture was not tagged, one out of 6 in the picture was not tagged. Now I didn't remember his name but I did remember that my friends had fucked this guy.... So I labeled it "Some Random Guy (insert name) Fucked While Seeing Her Soon to be Husband). I didn't know that that would cause a problem.... or that her husband had seen my tag and became upset... I was clearly trying to tag everyone in the album....

The Daddy and Daughter Dance

I must say that I set the bar kind of high, since I grew up on Long Island, New York and each year I would watch as my father would dress up for the dance with my sister. This being my first daddy and daughter dance I must say it was organized excellently (by my neighbor, one might add). She ran the dance floor and the party events like a well oiled machine, and reminded me of my mother. My mother who would always volunteer to set up events to the point where it stressed her the fuck out but she acted so calm, but you could tell at any moment she could snap. All said and done I must say the smile on my daughter's face will last for weeks. and has restored me to her good graces..... The DANCE was a BLAST!!!!! AND WE CAN'T WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR!!

2 Mega Pixel Penis

Around the office lately some people have been getting into a bit of trouble for taking racey pictures of their parts and sending them on their phones to others. Now the part that boggles my mind is why would you take a 2MP picture of your penis? I have advised everyone that I only film my penis in HD. High definition penis.... My penis will not fit on 2 mega pixels. It should be viewed in all it's glory...