Messed Up Parenting Tip # 62 Talking to Your Children About Drugs http://bit.ly/ap2aDC

Messed Up Parenting Tip # 54 Teaching Your Child Failure Is Not An Option http://ping.fm/WCiLe

Messed Up Parenting Tip #53 Don’t Hug Your Children You Might Get Lice http://ping.fm/Z2uai

Marriage

Marriage is like a vagina when it stops feeling good it's time to move on. For a long time I would introduce my wife as such "Hello, this is my first wife, Jenny." But it was for all fun and games until I realize she didn't cook me dinner tonight, then I started questioning everything. The foundation of our happy marriage rest upon two certainties, 1. I always have a meal on the table upon entering from a long day of hard work (i.e sitting at my desk for 8 hrs looking like I am working). 2. I always have a pair of fresh underwear when I get ready for work..... Both have failed today....... In this hard economy it is important to have a fresh pair of bloomers because at and minute you could be laid off and shitting your pants. Have you ever shit your pants when they where already dirty. Disguising!

Awkward Public Situation

I find it amusing that some of my most social and outward friends are often so weird and quiet in the bathroom. It seems to be the one place that is often more verbally quiet then the library. I say verbal only because certain other sounds of farts and the obvious results of farts a kerplunk a dump momma shit....... So I love to break the normal routine of the day by walking into a Men's bathroom, heading straight to the urinal, propping both arms on the urinal stall walls in a relaxed look, and screaming at the top of my lungs "It Burns! It fucken Burns like razor blades." Sometimes I add a bit of an English accent for flavor!

Suicide

I really wish suicide was an option for me. Not in a cry for help way or a dramatic look at me I need attention but more for a good nights rest for eternity. I don't feel like I am getting enough sleep and I feel like that might be a solution. Death! I have also gone casket shopping for the most comfortable Sealy's mattress lined caskets.... Cause when you are sleeping forever that shit has to be top notch. I want to snuggle up in my casket and get some eternal shut eye...

Facebook IM

I hate when your friends on facebook instant message you... That is such an invasion of privacy. Its like if I really liked you I would have your fucken number and I would text you! If I considered you a friend then I would have you blackberry messenger address and I would BB message you! I don't come and shit on your lawn why would you shit on my facebook with your invasive ways!